Coping with Grief During the Holidays
The holidays are often painted as cheerful and bright, but for anyone carrying loss, the season can feel heavy. Maybe a loved one has passed, or perhaps you're separated from your family or missing a close friend. Grief can surface in unexpected ways—a song in a store, an empty chair at the dinner table, or a quiet moment at the end of the day.
It's normal for moments of joy and sorrow to coexist, and it's important to honor both without judgment.
Give Your Grief Space
Rather than attempting to push your feelings away, intentionally create space to acknowledge them. Small rituals can help you slow down and tend to your grief. You can:
Light a candle or place a meaningful object in a visible spot.
Share a memory aloud with family or friends.
Write a note to the person you miss.
Grief isn't just sadness—it's shock, anger, guilt, fear, and loneliness. Sometimes all at once. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to let them be visible.
Set Gentle Expectations
Grief doesn't come with a rulebook about how to navigate the holidays. See how it feels for you to:
Decline invitations that feel overwhelming.
Leave early from gatherings if your energy dips.
Prioritize rest, reflection, or solitude when needed.
You don't need to justify your boundaries to anyone. Protecting your emotional space is not selfish—it's essential for your well-being.
Reach Out
We're not meant to carry grief alone. Lean on a trusted friend, support group, or therapist. Even a brief conversation or a shared moment of presence can help lighten the load. It's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to let others in. Connection won't erase grief, but it can provide some relief and validation.
Find Moments of Comfort
Sometimes we forget that grief and moments of joy can coexist. Allow yourself to notice small sparks of warmth and pleasure. These might look like:
A laugh with a friend.
A comforting scent, like pine or fresh baking.
A beautiful sunset or quiet snowfall.
Experiencing these moments doesn't diminish your grief; it reminds you that life still holds sweetness, even in the midst of sorrow.
Honor Yourself
Your grief is not a problem to solve—it's a testament to love. Try to treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend in this situation. Small acts of self-kindness—pausing to breathe, taking a quiet walk, journaling your thoughts—can help you navigate the holidays with tenderness and compassion.
Remember, there's no "right" way to grieve, and there's no timeline. Your heart knows its own rhythm, and honoring that rhythm is the most profound way to care for yourself during the season.
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Lily Gordon
Lily Gordon is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the founder of Daybreak Counseling & Wellness in Seattle, WA. She supports individuals and couples who are ready to move beyond surface-level relief and navigate life with greater ease, clarity, and self-trust.